“What do you really want?” I asked.

She was confused.

“What is the one thing that you hope to get from this IEP?” I pressed. 

“I want my child to be in a specific program,” she admitted.

“Then my advice to you would be not to fight about anything else.  Don’t critique the goals.  Don’t question the present levels. Stay focused on the services.”

It was hard for her, but she stayed quiet during the present levels and accepted the goals.  When the team got to placement, she waited for the offer of FAPE and then politely made her request.  A discussion followed and eventually, the team agreed to her wish.  She was blown away.  It was almost too easy.

One of the mistakes that I often see, made by parents and advocates alike, is in choosing the wrong battle. Too much time is spent debating details that really won’t impact the child’s progress and end up creating antagonism and resistance rather than collaboration and teamwork. By the time services are discussed (the biggest impact on growth), the IEP “team” has disintegrated and no one is listening to each other anymore.

In my opinion, after about two thousand IEP meetings, only two things are worth the fight – eligibility for services and services.

Why these two?

To get to services, a child must be deemed eligible for them. 

Appropriate services drive progress.

It’s that simple.