So I was a mess during the preschool presentation about Kindergarten.

It was a little embarrassing.

It wasn’t that I was having difficulty choosing between public and private school placement. 

I was having difficulty choosing which public school.  

I was a district employee, which meant that I had my choice of any school in the district. 

I was at the top of the lottery system. 

I didn’t like it.

It felt unfair.

I didn’t like it.

It felt too privileged.

I felt guilty for even considering another school option other than my neighborhood school.

So I sat there during the Kindergarten presentation feeling guilt and feeling anxiety over this decision that seemed like the biggest decision that I was going to be making thus far in my daughter’s life.  And I listened to the other parents who were choosing alternatives to neighborhood schools or private schools or even choosing to move to a new house in a better district.

I had my choice of schools … and I couldn’t decide.

I didn’t know what was the right choice.

The preschool director stopped me as I was leaving.  “You know,” she said, “Olivia is going to be fine no matter where you place her.  She will be fine in a neighborhood school.  She will be fine in a choice school.  She is going to be fine because you are going to be involved in her education.  She is going to be fine.”

I knew that she was right.

And, I had to remind myself of what I also knew.

I knew that test scores were more reflective of the socio-economic status of the community and education level of parents.  I knew that high standardized test scores of children did not equal better schools or better teaching.  I knew that some best teaching that I had observed in my professional career had actually occurred in classrooms in low performing and diverse public schools. I knew that I knew better than what was being pushed in social media and in the mommy groups.  I knew that my choice was not that hard. I knew that I just needed to focus on Olivia.

What did she really need at school?

A friend.

A trusted adult.

A school that valued the development of the whole child.

That’s it.

I never even looked at the test scores.