The special education teacher was reviewing the student’s present levels.

“So what does that mean?” the parent asked about a test result.

Silence.

The administrator intervened and began a lengthy explanation filled with edu-speak and acronyms.  Everyone else on the school team appeared defensive.

I was perplexed.

The parents seemed confused by the response.

It was my first meeting after maternity leave.  I was representing my district at a county IEP, and I didn’t know any of the participants.

Silence again.

“Um,” I hesitated as I turned to the parent. “Did you just want to know about the test?”

“Yes.”

I faced the teacher. “So did you create this test to get a current baseline of letter identification?”

The teacher looked at her principal and then responded, “Yes.”

I continued, “How many times did you show each letter?”

“Three.”

“And she had 75% accuracy?”

“Yes.”

I turned back to the parent, “Does that answer your question?”

“Yes. Thank you.”

The meeting progressed and from that point whenever the parent asked a question, the teacher answered it directly and the principal kept silent. No drama.  No fights.  No disagreements.

It took not working for a year for me to see how educators, including myself, created their own issues with parents through their reactions and caused adversarial relationships to replace collaborative ones.

Why do we do this?

All it takes is one negative experience, one due process hearing or one misunderstanding for educators to view parent inquiries with suspicion and unintentionally create the mistrust and contentious environment that they are trying to avoid. 

How can we stop being defensive?

• Focus on what the parent is asking.
• Be honest in response.
• Recognize the IEP process and forms are confusing.
• Ask if the question was answered and if the parent needs more clarification.
• Be willing to admit ignorance.
• Assume good intentions.  Most questions are asked because something is not understood.
• Communicate.

“Communication will bring understanding and understanding will cause harmonious mutual relationships which can establish peace and stability.” Lobsang Tenzin

Remember, it’s just a question.