Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified feelings of grief (denial, anxiety, fear, guilt, depression, and anger) as part of the pathway to acceptance to any loss. However, these feelings often sit unacknowledged in IEP meetings, even though they are a necessary and healthy (yes healthy!) part of the grief process that parents must go through.

Dr. Ken Moses explained, “Each feeling state, no matter how negative, serves a specific and helpful function. To separate from a lost dream, one must experience and share denial, anxiety. fear, guilt, depression, and anger in whatever order or manner the feelings surface.” 

It can be difficult when these emotions surface for parents.

It can be difficult when these emotions surface for special educators.

But there is nothing wrong with these feelings.

They are necessary.

They are healthy.

These feelings are born of love.

So, what can you do?  It’s the middle of an IEP meeting.

Parents, one of the most empowering things that you can do is to identify what you are feeling and why. This can be scary, but it helps others know what caused the reaction and how to address it. Sometimes professionals also need to be reminded that they are talking about someone’s child and may need help refocusing on the purpose of the meeting. If emotions are too intense, ask for a break or discontinue the meeting.  It’s okay.  It’s your child.

Special educators, one of the most empowering things that you can do is listen, validate feelings and allow yourself to feel true empathy. Don’t rush the parent.  Don’t diagnose the grief process. Don’t take offense at requests. If feelings are too powerful to move forward, offer a break or adjourn the meeting. No one should have to deal with intense grief in front of an audience.

It can be difficult when grief emotions surface for parents.

It can be difficult when grief emotions surface for special educators.

There is nothing wrong with these feelings.

These feelings pave the path to acceptance.

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.” Elizabeth Kubler-Ross