I have been in too many meeting where parents and educators argue about what a child does or does not do at home or at school.

“My child doesn’t do that at home.”

“The student has never done X at school.”

Too many meetings  get stalled in an argument that can’t be resolved because, for some reason, we seem to forget (at least in IEP meetings) that babies, children, teens and even us adults all perform and act differently depending on the environment, stressors and relationships with others in the environment. 

I sing very loudly in my car when I am driving alone. I love going to karaoke with my friends. In college, I would only lip sync when I was in my choir class.

Different environments.

Different level of comfort with those around me.

Different stressors.

My youngest daughter was an early talker.  She understood jokes and even teased others before the age of two.  At home, she loved playing independently in her room.  She would create elaborate plays with her dolls or any group of objects that she could make into a “family.”  I would have to remind myself to check on her. At preschool, it took months for her to leave my side and two years before she would talk during show and tell.

Different environments.

Different level of comfort with those around her.

Different stressors.

Perhaps it is because the present levels of performance are written and approved that professionals and parents are uncomfortable with the differences with behaviors and academic performance of children at home and at school, but differences are normal.  Differences are to be expected.

Kids with anxiety issues may tantrum every morning before school and follow it up with a perfect day at school.

Kids with learning issues may use escape and avoidance behaviors during class and work well one-on-one at home.

Kids with developmental issues may use the bathroom appropriately at home and refuse to use the one at school (and vice versa).

Kids perform and act differently depending on the environment, stressors and relationships with others in the environment. 

It’s not something to argue about.

It just is … for babies, children, teens and even us adults.

So the next time you are in an IEP meeting or 504 meeting and those differences are being discussed, please don’t argue about IF the differences exist rather explore WHY the differences exist.  It is in the “why” that problems are solved, difficulties are overcome and challenges are conquered.  It is in the why that we find answers.